Such wonderful blessings.

As I find myself sitting here and waiting (again) this month to find out if we are or aren't.  I can't help but feel differently.  This month I am not nervous or full of anticipation.  I have finally realized that it is what it is and there is nothing I can do about it.  This morning as I watched my amazing husband taking care of our rabbit as our sweet boys ran around, I was completely overwhelmed with all of the blessings that I DO have in my life.  I think that on this infertility journey I have become too caught up in the what I do NOT have and lose sight of what is wonderful in my life. 

We have a beautiful new (to us) home,


a fabulous new (to us) car,
 
two amazing dogs,
 

and a marriage that has its ups and downs but we are always holding hands throughout the roller coaster.
 
 

I am so thankful that we are at a place where we can help out people financially and are not counting pennies at the end of the month.  We also have an amazing set of friends and family.  Of course, we feel at times as if they fall short on us but at the end of the day I know that they are there for us no matter what.  I remind myself that at times, people do not know what to say or how to act around us.  It is a very hard situation and for those that have never been through it, they do not know the words to use and we can do nothing but be understanding about it. 

We definitely have it so good and I cannot glorify and thank God enough for that!

Checking back in...

My, how long it's been! I feel like so much has happened but then on the other hand, still feel like our life is on pause. It's a struggle each day but I can honestly say that the days get easier. Little update on us:
-Bought a house!
-Moved into house (which of course means we are still searching for some things)
-Went through our busiest time at work, and it was better than ever before
-Matthew joined our church
-Got our bonuses at work (yay money!)
-Went on vacation
-Bought a new car (technically used, but it's fabulously like new)

Seems like everyone around me is pregnant and I'm trying to keep my head up and my heart hopeful. Some days I feel like everyone jumped on the bus and left me waiting at the stop. I feel like somedays no one understands what it's like to feel abnormal while being surrounded by normalcy. Even though Matthew tries, he can't understand it either.

Even though I struggle with these feelings, I am still so very thankful for my amazing husband. Right now we are enjoying all of the new things in our life. We are slowly getting our house together. It's so nice to have our own space and to have actual room to spread out. We bought a 2008 Nissan Armada to replace my car last week and I swear that car is smarter than me!! It's beautiful and all decked out. Poor Matthew has barely gotten to drive it. I have never really enjoyed driving. Little did I know it was just because I didn't like my car!

On a crazy other note, I try not to get my hopes up (how often I say that and it never happens), especially over trivial things that mean nothing but I really can't help it. I say that because a friend of mine that Matthew went to college with cam predict when people are pregnant. (Trust me, I'm aware how crazy that sounds). But she always dreams of fish and then someone is pregnant. I didn't believe this at first but as the years have gone by and I see it over and over happening, she has made me a believer. Well, she has had two fish dreams this week and thought of us. Fingers crossed she's right BUT I'm not holding my breath, it still sounds fishy to me. Pun intended.

I really going to try and keep up with this blog better. It really helps to clear your mind. And this mind needs as much clearing as physically able! Here's hoping for fish. :)