This is what I keep telling myself. Even when I think that I am okay, I find out that another person close to me is pregnant, and I can't help but feel jealous. I am truly happy for them but there is still that annoying stab of jealousy that creeps its way up my spine. And then I get to feeling sorry for myself.
This happened today. About an hour ago in fact, while I was at work, which is never fun. I know she has struggled as long as I did and I am so happy that she is finally out of this emotional roller coaster (and onto another one). I just can't help but feel like its my turn too! I know that it isn't though. So for know I will keep breathing. and chanting the verse that is getting me through this:
"For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Chin up, buttercup!
Even as much as I am keeping my head up and I am in a better place, bad news still sucks. It always will! I still get discouraged, I still freak out, I still question every move I made this past month, I still wonder what others did to get pregnant when they weren't meaning to and we are jumping through flaming hoops and still nothing. I also wonder if it's all worth it.....but I know it is.
I was supposed to start yesterday. It didn't happen. Not one sign or anything. And so we tried (so hard) to not get our hopes up but when you are charting and predicting and taking the meds to make it happen, you can't help but get your hopes up. In reality, I was just late (which I believe is a cardinal sin and never should be allowed). So, even though this morning has been filled with freak outs, second guesses, and a couple tears....I am leaving those here. I am keeping on with my chin up with the faith and hope that things will be turning around shortly. I think this was God's plan of making me move. Guess I couldn't get out of that. :)
I would also like to give a special thanks to the other hair dresser where I was getting my hair done yesterday who kept going on and on and on about your 'accidental' pregnancy that you found out about on your wedding day last month. Between you talking about how horrible of a mother you are going to be and you smoking twice while I was there, it really made the news better, thanks. Ugh. Some people's kids. Literally.
I was supposed to start yesterday. It didn't happen. Not one sign or anything. And so we tried (so hard) to not get our hopes up but when you are charting and predicting and taking the meds to make it happen, you can't help but get your hopes up. In reality, I was just late (which I believe is a cardinal sin and never should be allowed). So, even though this morning has been filled with freak outs, second guesses, and a couple tears....I am leaving those here. I am keeping on with my chin up with the faith and hope that things will be turning around shortly. I think this was God's plan of making me move. Guess I couldn't get out of that. :)
I would also like to give a special thanks to the other hair dresser where I was getting my hair done yesterday who kept going on and on and on about your 'accidental' pregnancy that you found out about on your wedding day last month. Between you talking about how horrible of a mother you are going to be and you smoking twice while I was there, it really made the news better, thanks. Ugh. Some people's kids. Literally.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Unexpected Happenings
Yesterday was such an eventful day!
We were at work like we normally are and around two in the afternoon there was a car wreck that caused a transformer to blow. Since our store/internet business cannot run without electricity, we called it a day. I had been bugging Matthew to take me to get a snow cone since the one in our town is no longer here (he thinks its ridiculous to drive 10 miles to get a snow cone, but I think it is well worth it for that cup of Tigers Blood heaven), so off we went mainly to shut me up...but hey, it worked!
As we pulled into our street we could see that there had been some light damage due to a little storm that had come through. We didn't think much of it until we got to our house and there was a tree leaning on it! We panicked (meaning I panicked) and got out of the truck to survey the damage. It didn't look like there was any structural damage but we couldn't really get close enough to make sure since there was a power line down. We got the dogs out of the yard (so thankful they weren't hurt) and called the electric company. Matthew tells him that there is a power line down under a tree to which the woman replied, "Do you still have electricity in your home, sir?" Well since the power box is ripped off of the house, I'm going to go with a no. Goodness people!
A friend of ours whose husband is gone with the military for 6 months offered for us to come stay at her house so I went ahead and headed there while Matthew decided to wait for the electric company to come. As I was enjoying some girl time with our friend and her little girl, Matthew waited....and waited....and waited....and they never showed. Got to love the good ole electric company! We had a fitful night, I am reminded of the years as a younger person that I could sleep anywhere. Not so much anymore. But we did have a good time with a great friend and got to enjoy a warm shower this morning.
As we stopped at the house to feed the dog, Matthew called the electric company again and they informed him that the operator we spoke to yesterday never mentioned that there was a downed line, just that there was an outage. Double ugh. We headed to work, got a generator from our boss and plugged in the freezer and fridge so we don't lose all our food. We are hoping that by the time we get home the power might be back on. It did bust out our satellite as well but we can live with that more so than we can live without electricity. In June. In Arkansas.
We are very lucky that it doesn't seem like more is damaged. Where the chimney is, it looks like the house could have been moved some on its foundation but we should know moreif when the electric company shows up!
We were at work like we normally are and around two in the afternoon there was a car wreck that caused a transformer to blow. Since our store/internet business cannot run without electricity, we called it a day. I had been bugging Matthew to take me to get a snow cone since the one in our town is no longer here (he thinks its ridiculous to drive 10 miles to get a snow cone, but I think it is well worth it for that cup of Tigers Blood heaven), so off we went mainly to shut me up...but hey, it worked!
As we pulled into our street we could see that there had been some light damage due to a little storm that had come through. We didn't think much of it until we got to our house and there was a tree leaning on it! We panicked (meaning I panicked) and got out of the truck to survey the damage. It didn't look like there was any structural damage but we couldn't really get close enough to make sure since there was a power line down. We got the dogs out of the yard (so thankful they weren't hurt) and called the electric company. Matthew tells him that there is a power line down under a tree to which the woman replied, "Do you still have electricity in your home, sir?" Well since the power box is ripped off of the house, I'm going to go with a no. Goodness people!
A friend of ours whose husband is gone with the military for 6 months offered for us to come stay at her house so I went ahead and headed there while Matthew decided to wait for the electric company to come. As I was enjoying some girl time with our friend and her little girl, Matthew waited....and waited....and waited....and they never showed. Got to love the good ole electric company! We had a fitful night, I am reminded of the years as a younger person that I could sleep anywhere. Not so much anymore. But we did have a good time with a great friend and got to enjoy a warm shower this morning.
As we stopped at the house to feed the dog, Matthew called the electric company again and they informed him that the operator we spoke to yesterday never mentioned that there was a downed line, just that there was an outage. Double ugh. We headed to work, got a generator from our boss and plugged in the freezer and fridge so we don't lose all our food. We are hoping that by the time we get home the power might be back on. It did bust out our satellite as well but we can live with that more so than we can live without electricity. In June. In Arkansas.
We are very lucky that it doesn't seem like more is damaged. Where the chimney is, it looks like the house could have been moved some on its foundation but we should know more
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| Our poor tree after the lightening |
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| Excuse the extremely dirty side of the house! |
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| There is a porch under the limbs |
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| Very thankful that not more was damaged! |
Monday, June 13, 2011
Waiting, waiting, and more waiting.
I have always prided myself on being an optimistic person, mostly because I grew up in a pessimistic home and I knew I couldn't continue feeling bad. As much as I try to think about the silver linings on certain situations, some just plain suck. As optimistic as I am (through this whole fertility issues, I have become 'cautiously optimistic') one thing I am not is patient. And waiting just sucks. I know it is helping me become a more patient person, but honestly, I don't want to be! Who's to say that being impatient is so wrong, like how I am trying to get my own way there? Ugh....patience.
Coming up marks the dreaded wait on two huge parts of our life. As anyone that is trying to get pregnant know, that terrible two week wait is the worst. Add to that the wait of finding out if our appraisal and inspection of the new house come out well can make any impatient, optimistic or not, go crazy!
This past weekend, my not-so-little brother was confirmed into the church and so we had a cook out for him. He was then kidnapped by the youth group and was inducted. It was a pretty exciting day for him.
Will said that he had a wonderful time at his first youth outing although he was a little upset with us that we set him up to be kidnapped. But hey, its all in good fun! I am sad that we didn't get any pictures taken during the actual cook out with all of our family. It was a wonderful time!
Coming up marks the dreaded wait on two huge parts of our life. As anyone that is trying to get pregnant know, that terrible two week wait is the worst. Add to that the wait of finding out if our appraisal and inspection of the new house come out well can make any impatient, optimistic or not, go crazy!
This past weekend, my not-so-little brother was confirmed into the church and so we had a cook out for him. He was then kidnapped by the youth group and was inducted. It was a pretty exciting day for him.
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| Being confirmed with his confirmation class of eight |
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| Got to love 12 year old boys |
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| Will and his seriously hideous cake I made |
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| Getting kidnapped |
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| Fighting back |
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| Still wrestling with them |
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| They've got him now |
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| Taking him out |
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| And he's gone.... |
Thursday, June 9, 2011
In a better place....
I cannot begin to explain how much better I feel mentally. After everything that happened last month, I knew that I was making myself miserable and I couldn't do it anymore. Well since that moment, I have been 100% better. And let me tell you, it makes me feel better. Don't get me wrong, I am still pretty moody and crying but I can handle those things better now. I haven't been sleeping much lately, I am pretty sure it is a mixture of excitement over placing an offer on the house and it being my fertile period. I always have such mixed emotions about fertile time. It is so exciting, boring, and nerve wracking all rolled into one. It is exciting thinking about the possibilities and anyone that has ever 'tried' to make a baby understands on how boring it can be, but the fact that we have to wait another two weeks to find out whether we were successful or not could make anyone go a little batty! But honestly, I wouldn't trade it for the world! Even with our troubles, I know that there are others that have it much harder than we do so I can just be thankful for what I have. And what I have is pretty amazing, I have the best husband, two pups that I wouldn't trade anything for, a job that is enjoyable and includes the best co-workers (husband included) and hopefully soon we can add a new beautiful home to that list!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Grown Up Decisions...
Matthew and I went and looked at a house yesterday and to say that we fell in love would be putting it mildly!
It is in our price range that we were preapproved for and met all of our criteria. We are quite excited but it is a big step for us to do. I believe that we have decided to make an offer. We are pretty positive about that this is the right step for our family.
One of the only negative things is that it is not in the school district that we want, in fact it is a mile out. But we have some years to worry about that, so I will not stress too much over it.
Keeping our fingers crossed!
In other news, I went and got a blood sugar test done yesterday. I was taken completely by surprised when I was talking to my nurse and she asked how I was and I proceeded to start bawling my eyes out. She asked if I was okay and I could only honestly tell her "I don't know, this is new!" She asked if I wanted to see the doctor but I dried up and told her that I would be okay and proceeded on to the lab. I hand the lab technician the slip of paper, she reads it and tells me that she will have to prick my finger. She gets the needle and when she turns back around she is met by "crazy crying lady"....again. She gives me a look and asks if I am okay, I reply "I'm fine, this is new. So sorry".
Lovely hormones.....ugh. But I know it will be worth it in the end but in the meantime I have a nice mix of sob city and crazy rage lady going on. Its SO nice around our house right now, I promise! (Have I mentioned how much of a patient man Matthew is?)
It is in our price range that we were preapproved for and met all of our criteria. We are quite excited but it is a big step for us to do. I believe that we have decided to make an offer. We are pretty positive about that this is the right step for our family.
One of the only negative things is that it is not in the school district that we want, in fact it is a mile out. But we have some years to worry about that, so I will not stress too much over it.
Keeping our fingers crossed!
In other news, I went and got a blood sugar test done yesterday. I was taken completely by surprised when I was talking to my nurse and she asked how I was and I proceeded to start bawling my eyes out. She asked if I was okay and I could only honestly tell her "I don't know, this is new!" She asked if I wanted to see the doctor but I dried up and told her that I would be okay and proceeded on to the lab. I hand the lab technician the slip of paper, she reads it and tells me that she will have to prick my finger. She gets the needle and when she turns back around she is met by "crazy crying lady"....again. She gives me a look and asks if I am okay, I reply "I'm fine, this is new. So sorry".
Lovely hormones.....ugh. But I know it will be worth it in the end but in the meantime I have a nice mix of sob city and crazy rage lady going on. Its SO nice around our house right now, I promise! (Have I mentioned how much of a patient man Matthew is?)
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