I had a true test of my new mindset today, and if I can brag on myself...I passed with flying colors. :). Another friend of ours announced that they were pregnant and I truly was happy for them rather than bursting in tears, which has been my regular reaction. I honestly do feel better.
In other news, Matthew and I looked at a house today. We thought that our credit was not in a place where we could look at buying but we found out today that we were wrong. Very wrong in fact. That is so nice but it also scares the pants off me. Gives me panic attacks to imagine buying a house! But there is no doubt that we are ready. At the moment, we are in a very old house that has no storage, one bathroom, and hardly any room. We are definitely ready for a bigger house. We can also handle the payments, it's just a big step.
I am almost done taking my second dose of Clomid. I am still at the point where the side effects aren't too bad, I'm just a little tired now....but that could be my allergy medicine.
Just keep us in your prayers as we look toward a new home and (fingers crossed) a new bun in the oven. :D
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Giving it up
Unfortunately, pregnancy did not happen this month. In a few acts of irony, we found out on the one day I was looking forward to for months (celebrating our anniversary). It sucked but we were determined not to bring us down....until we found out that our best friends were successful in the baby making this month. And quite honestly, it got me down....way down. So down that I took the next day off work to have a pity party.
I couldn't get over the fact that God would give me such a slap in the face until honestly it occurred to me, perhaps I needed that slap. Sure I knew that God would provide for us. Yes I know that He is looking out for our family. But did I really hand it all to him? Sadly, no. I had handed it over to him but had kept my hand on it. I still was trying to micro manage what MY plan was. I needed that slap in my face to realize all of this. I know it is hard but I can confidently say that I am on the path of handing it over.
This has helped me to be happier for the most part. Yes, it's still in the back of my mind but it's not the center right now, and that is for the best. We had a good Memorial Day weekend. We worked in the yard on Saturday and then hit the lake with friends on Sunday. Today, I am laid up with a major allergy attack from working in the yard. It goes nicely with my stripe of sunburn on my back. How I achieved that, I have no clue, but it hurts!
Here's to a fabulous week coming up. A busy week, but a good one because it's all in your mindset and for the first time in a year since we started trying I can finally say that I am in the right mindset now.
I couldn't get over the fact that God would give me such a slap in the face until honestly it occurred to me, perhaps I needed that slap. Sure I knew that God would provide for us. Yes I know that He is looking out for our family. But did I really hand it all to him? Sadly, no. I had handed it over to him but had kept my hand on it. I still was trying to micro manage what MY plan was. I needed that slap in my face to realize all of this. I know it is hard but I can confidently say that I am on the path of handing it over.
This has helped me to be happier for the most part. Yes, it's still in the back of my mind but it's not the center right now, and that is for the best. We had a good Memorial Day weekend. We worked in the yard on Saturday and then hit the lake with friends on Sunday. Today, I am laid up with a major allergy attack from working in the yard. It goes nicely with my stripe of sunburn on my back. How I achieved that, I have no clue, but it hurts!
Here's to a fabulous week coming up. A busy week, but a good one because it's all in your mindset and for the first time in a year since we started trying I can finally say that I am in the right mindset now.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Doctor's Appointment and Bloodwork
Man, time flies!
Here it is halfway through May, I cannot believe it!
We are still trying to get pregnant but since we have had some trouble we went to the doctor and got checked out. I was then diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, or PCOS for short. It is a metabolic issue in my body. I was put on fertility meds and have been going from there.
We have done pretty good all things considered. It was nice to know that there was something wrong but it is so hard to think that there is a possibility that we may never have children naturally. It has really amazed me how some people are really inconsiderate when dealing with a person that is having fertility issues. A friend of mine is dealing with the same thing on a more serious level in a very private way. When she told me I was amazed that she didn't talk about it but the more that my feelings get hurt I understand completely. I am most amazed by family members. I have had a few of them just call to give me updates about others that are pregnant with no thought to how this could affect me. I do not understand how someone can be so inconsiderate! It also completely hurts that once they realize that they have hurt me by their actions they combat that with no interaction. How is that any better? I cannot say enough that I am still the same person, just dealing with a major issue. I want to still be treated as the same person that I was before just with a little bit of thought and consideration.
It also amazes me how our family do not call and check in with us. We are dealing with the hardest thing that we have ever dealt with and our family does not even check in with us. We are both extremely thankful though for our absolutely wonderful set of church family and friends that have done everything that they could for us.
Perhaps the fertility meds are making me more harsh than I usually am but since Matthew's feelings have been hurt as well this tells me that I am not crazy. Well, about that. The meds have made me crazy there is not doubt. I can deal with the mood swings (they aren't as hard on me as they are on Matthew :D) but the sheer exhaustion is terrible. I get home from work and I go straight to bed. Its not sleepiness, it is an exhaustion that I have never experienced before in my life. I feel so bad for Matthew who is having to go through so much from being a punching bag, to cooking supper, to cleaning our house, to taking care of all of the animals, and the outside chores. He really has been an absolute champ through it all. I told him last night that I think he deserves a badge of honor or something.
I went and got blood work done today checking my progesterone levels, seeing if the fertility meds were working. I was very nervous but so thankful to have a dear friend by my side the whole time. (The negative side of working with your husband is that most times you can't both be gone at the same time) I got the results a few hours later and it was all good! My Dr wanted me to have a level of 10 and mine came back as a 21.1. I am very relieved for that. So now it is just a waiting game to find out whether I go through another month of fertility meds or we are pregnant!
All things considered, I would do this all over again. The good, the bad, and the ugly if it means that at the end of it we have a child of our own. And as much as our family's have hurt us in so many ways, Matthew is completely right, at the end of the day it is just the two of us and that is all that matters. I am just thankful to have such a wonderful man to call my best friend and husband.
Something that has gotten me through all of the hurt feelings and uncertainty of the future:
"For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11
Here it is halfway through May, I cannot believe it!
We are still trying to get pregnant but since we have had some trouble we went to the doctor and got checked out. I was then diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, or PCOS for short. It is a metabolic issue in my body. I was put on fertility meds and have been going from there.
We have done pretty good all things considered. It was nice to know that there was something wrong but it is so hard to think that there is a possibility that we may never have children naturally. It has really amazed me how some people are really inconsiderate when dealing with a person that is having fertility issues. A friend of mine is dealing with the same thing on a more serious level in a very private way. When she told me I was amazed that she didn't talk about it but the more that my feelings get hurt I understand completely. I am most amazed by family members. I have had a few of them just call to give me updates about others that are pregnant with no thought to how this could affect me. I do not understand how someone can be so inconsiderate! It also completely hurts that once they realize that they have hurt me by their actions they combat that with no interaction. How is that any better? I cannot say enough that I am still the same person, just dealing with a major issue. I want to still be treated as the same person that I was before just with a little bit of thought and consideration.
It also amazes me how our family do not call and check in with us. We are dealing with the hardest thing that we have ever dealt with and our family does not even check in with us. We are both extremely thankful though for our absolutely wonderful set of church family and friends that have done everything that they could for us.
Perhaps the fertility meds are making me more harsh than I usually am but since Matthew's feelings have been hurt as well this tells me that I am not crazy. Well, about that. The meds have made me crazy there is not doubt. I can deal with the mood swings (they aren't as hard on me as they are on Matthew :D) but the sheer exhaustion is terrible. I get home from work and I go straight to bed. Its not sleepiness, it is an exhaustion that I have never experienced before in my life. I feel so bad for Matthew who is having to go through so much from being a punching bag, to cooking supper, to cleaning our house, to taking care of all of the animals, and the outside chores. He really has been an absolute champ through it all. I told him last night that I think he deserves a badge of honor or something.
I went and got blood work done today checking my progesterone levels, seeing if the fertility meds were working. I was very nervous but so thankful to have a dear friend by my side the whole time. (The negative side of working with your husband is that most times you can't both be gone at the same time) I got the results a few hours later and it was all good! My Dr wanted me to have a level of 10 and mine came back as a 21.1. I am very relieved for that. So now it is just a waiting game to find out whether I go through another month of fertility meds or we are pregnant!
All things considered, I would do this all over again. The good, the bad, and the ugly if it means that at the end of it we have a child of our own. And as much as our family's have hurt us in so many ways, Matthew is completely right, at the end of the day it is just the two of us and that is all that matters. I am just thankful to have such a wonderful man to call my best friend and husband.
Something that has gotten me through all of the hurt feelings and uncertainty of the future:
"For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)