Man, time flies!
Here it is halfway through May, I cannot believe it!
We are still trying to get pregnant but since we have had some trouble we went to the doctor and got checked out. I was then diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, or PCOS for short. It is a metabolic issue in my body. I was put on fertility meds and have been going from there.
We have done pretty good all things considered. It was nice to know that there was something wrong but it is so hard to think that there is a possibility that we may never have children naturally. It has really amazed me how some people are really inconsiderate when dealing with a person that is having fertility issues. A friend of mine is dealing with the same thing on a more serious level in a very private way. When she told me I was amazed that she didn't talk about it but the more that my feelings get hurt I understand completely. I am most amazed by family members. I have had a few of them just call to give me updates about others that are pregnant with no thought to how this could affect me. I do not understand how someone can be so inconsiderate! It also completely hurts that once they realize that they have hurt me by their actions they combat that with no interaction. How is that any better? I cannot say enough that I am still the same person, just dealing with a major issue. I want to still be treated as the same person that I was before just with a little bit of thought and consideration.
It also amazes me how our family do not call and check in with us. We are dealing with the hardest thing that we have ever dealt with and our family does not even check in with us. We are both extremely thankful though for our absolutely wonderful set of church family and friends that have done everything that they could for us.
Perhaps the fertility meds are making me more harsh than I usually am but since Matthew's feelings have been hurt as well this tells me that I am not crazy. Well, about that. The meds have made me crazy there is not doubt. I can deal with the mood swings (they aren't as hard on me as they are on Matthew :D) but the sheer exhaustion is terrible. I get home from work and I go straight to bed. Its not sleepiness, it is an exhaustion that I have never experienced before in my life. I feel so bad for Matthew who is having to go through so much from being a punching bag, to cooking supper, to cleaning our house, to taking care of all of the animals, and the outside chores. He really has been an absolute champ through it all. I told him last night that I think he deserves a badge of honor or something.
I went and got blood work done today checking my progesterone levels, seeing if the fertility meds were working. I was very nervous but so thankful to have a dear friend by my side the whole time. (The negative side of working with your husband is that most times you can't both be gone at the same time) I got the results a few hours later and it was all good! My Dr wanted me to have a level of 10 and mine came back as a 21.1. I am very relieved for that. So now it is just a waiting game to find out whether I go through another month of fertility meds or we are pregnant!
All things considered, I would do this all over again. The good, the bad, and the ugly if it means that at the end of it we have a child of our own. And as much as our family's have hurt us in so many ways, Matthew is completely right, at the end of the day it is just the two of us and that is all that matters. I am just thankful to have such a wonderful man to call my best friend and husband.
Something that has gotten me through all of the hurt feelings and uncertainty of the future:
"For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11
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